It started, and ended, with a swipe...

It all began with a swipe right on tinder, I know what you're thinking I'm disappointed in myself too, and before I knew it we were taking day trips to Bristol and eating Chinese in Camden Market as a couple...

Fast forward two months and he continued swiping not only on tinder but my debit and credit cards as well. Here I was, less than a month before my trip of a lifetime without a penny in my travel fund or my current account and with a credit card debt I had no idea about. Before I continue I would like to make it clear that this is in no way a revenge post or aimed to shame him for the part he played in this whole disaster, hence the happy photos of my loved ones. This is a post to express how blessed I am to be surrounded by such an amazing support network and to raise awareness of just how easily these things happen. Especially as I always thought of myself as being quite savvy when it came to my finances with my high interest savings account and ability to adapt my budget without a bother. Never did I think that this would happen to me, in fact it was me who would openly hear anecdotes of this happening to people and exclaim "well how didn't you notice until now?" But here I am asking myself the exact same question...

I became truly engrossed in him, yes me pro-feminist I don't need a man. I just kept wading further and further into the water, the water that he controlled. And before I knew it I was going days at a time without speaking to my Mom, I had stopped drinking pints because of his disapproval and my beloved Falmouth checked shirts were nowhere to be seen. On reflection, I'm not sure which I'm more upset about!

I think the thing that I find most harrowing about the situation that I'm finding myself in is just how quickly things spiralled out of control. It's as if my mind almost blanked out scenarios that I knew were wrong and times where my card had been gone without my knowledge, or I had seen things I didn't recall paying for on my statement and I would just fill the gaps in my memory and everything would be okay. I lost myself and all I stood for in the space of a few days and I just felt empty but in too deep to do anything about it. It wasn't until I was told about the credit card that the gaps slowly turned into canyons that I could not ignore. It was no longer a simple packet of cigarettes or a few pints in a pub, it was real debt, real money I could not pay back to my Mom, who had given me the card to use for my trip.

I have no negative feelings towards him now, I understand that he saw an opportunity that appealed to his personal issues and he simply took it. I send him love and light for his recovery whenever he crosses my mind, although I have to admit it's easier to do this some days than others! Instead, my Mom has helped me come to the hard realisation that in order for me to move forward I must take responsibility for the part I played in this nightmare and learn from it so I can grow and move forward to rebuild my confidence and trust which currently resides in shatters.

I felt it was finally time to write about my experience and if it even makes one person just be more aware or even change their mind set towards people that do have this awful thing happen to them then its worth admitting my mistakes, as embarrassed and angered by them as I am. I feel truly blessed to have had the support system I have had to get through this time, but I know many are not as lucky. It's time to call for a change with the way these situations are dealt with by people and when it comes to banks and police, as I have had an awful experience with both. In 2016 with contactless and apple pay, is it enough to claim it's not fraud because they did not incorrectly enter your pin? To me, this is reflective of nothing but a good memory of a four digit code when I have been using my card in front of him and the fact he was my boyfriend shouldn't change the fact that it's fraudulent behaviour, yet this was the response I received from every avenue I pursued with regards to my current and savings account. We need to change our attitude to fraud and see it as more than just card cloning or stolen identities.  It's everywhere from a massage at a spa break to a new pair of shoes you had no idea you had paid for, it wasn't until I checked my statement that I saw the true fraudulent impact of these "small" transactions.

I had to learn my lesson the hard way but I hope that my experience can prevent this happening to others in the future. I am just thankful for my family and the incredible women I am surrounded by. I don't think I could have navigated this mindfield without them. I am currently counting down the days to three weeks of spiritual awakening with my soul sister Charlie and wishing him nothing but light as he finds the right path to recovery.

Love Liv x

The Homeless Period...

"Periods are not a great time of the month for any woman, but lack of affordable sanitary items amongst homeless and disadvantaged women can make the burden of menstruation more like a nightmare"

"As a woman myself, it pained me to learn that this same vulnerable group sometimes have to find cloths or other absorbent items to use to protect themselves from bleeding, in most cases this is toilet roll sought from public restrooms"

The Homeless Period: Breaking the Silence for Women Without The Tools to Get Through Their Period.

The Homeless Period is an incredible non- profit organisation that currently operates in the West Midlands. However, I believe there are organisations all across the UK operating out of shelters and working with charities to deliver similar services.

Their main message is that homeless women have periods too and many of us don't understand or even think of the repercussions of this when faced with no money and no means of access to sanitary products or even clean underwear. People everywhere, no matter what gender, will understand the pain of a period and the inconvenience it can sometimes entail with regards to feeling clean and making sure that leaks and spills are contained. I can't even begin to imagine how it must feel to go through this every three weeks with no resources or comfort at all.

Therefore, it is down to us to help these women in any way we possibly can. For me, this meant helping by donating goods to the drop off points, (both of which can be seen listed in the pictures below). They accept sanitary items, wipes and clean underwear amongst other items that help form their 'care packages'. It's just like the shoebox appeal at Christmas but for periods! Currently, they are appealing for donations of underwear and wipes, and it just so happens Poundland have cute underwear in at the moment and a deal of 10 boxes of Huggies wipes for £5! This shows that even if you just spend a pound it makes such a huge difference to somebodies life so instead of buying that bottle of pop or a packet of crisps, invest in something much more important and long lasting.

           

I went out and spent £20 in Poundland and I couldn't believe what you can get for that money, as you can see from the picture at the top of this post! This was so bitter sweet for me as it evoked happiness that I could help even more than I had first anticipated but it also made me sad that even at this low cost the products still aren't fully accessible for some women. The worst part for me is that these women sometimes aren't even homeless, they are the working poverty who have been betrayed by the system so much so that working doesn't necessarily mean they are better off or even able to survive.

The costs of being a woman can no longer be ignored especially after the "tampon tax" became national news earlier this year, if Jaffa cakes aren't considered luxury items then why are tampons? They are a right and something every woman should have access to and together we can help make this a reality! Whether that be by buying an extra item when you purchase yours or donating to the cause via their Facebook page, every single penny and tampon counts! I will be organising collections when I make my monthly donations to the cause so please feel free to pass along your donations to me and  I will be more than happy to pass them along!


Thank you!
Love Liv x



Facebook page- The Homeless Period
Donation page- https://www.gofundme.com/hbkru59w

"Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with"

I try and live my life by this mantra every single day and I can honestly say I have never been happier...

Nothing proves this statement more to me than my friend Charlie. We lived together whilst I was studying in Falmouth and within a few days I was taping her nipples to her dress so she had a killer cleavage and lay in her bed comparing the length of our winter leg fuzz. I connected with her instantly as I did with all of the girls in my flat and for that reason they will always have a huge part of my heart and my soul. I often think of them and look at my Falmouth wall of photos fondly and smile.

Today I collected a parcel and recognised the writing on the envelope to be Charlie's, little did I know the contents of the package were going to make me sit in my car crying for the next ten minutes uncontrollably. Inside was a dress, a garment I had only heard about and seen in pictures but it had been promised to be so long ago I had forgotten. On this dress there were messages of equality, human rights, women's rights and basically everything that moulds me as a person. This dress is something that Charlie made before she met me yet it speaks directly to me and puts a fire in my belly like nothing else I have ever seen or been lucky enough to own.

It is for this reason that I truly believe it's Charlie and all of the powerful women in my life who are my soulmates and the true loves of my life. Nobody quite tells me to "fuck him off" or "rant away" when I'm angry about something, and then reply to my 35 message eruption, quite like Charlie. We have a friendship that is free of competition and free of jealousy. Every day I am motivated to be better and made sure I know how amazing and strong I am. It's completely free of motive and we do it purely out of our admiration for each other and I am inspired by her every single day.

My girlfriends will never judge me for wanting more than two sides with my nandos and then a cookie dough after or the fact that I haven't shaved my legs for weeks but insist on always wearing booty shorts to sleep in. They take me for champagne afternoon teas and tell me I am strong and sassy on a daily basis. What more could I possibly need?


Women need to stop searching for a "soulmate" in the form of a lover and start looking at those who love you unconditionally despite the fact you keep going back to those people time and time again. We need to stop searching for that missing piece and just rearrange the pieces we already have. I can guarantee if you look close enough at your lives you'll find your soul to already be so full and content that anything more is welcome but no where near as essential...

Love Liv x

No grope? You're all good then.

Apparently this is the only thing that constitutes something being considered sexually inappropriate behaviour. The worst part? This was a comment made by young women and not only women but women in the public eye.

That public eye being celebrity brother and the women in question being specifically Megan and Stephanie. Both of which are TV stars but often in the press sporting nothing more than a bikini or lingerie set. Is this merely a coincidence or could their opinions be fuelled by the idea that their careers are based on the sexualisation of their bodies and the acceptance of this behaviour on a daily basis because it's what their careers feed off? 

The issue in question was concerning Winston, a UKIP MP, who lasted only three days in the house. He was seen being very sexually charged during conversations with the women housemates and particularly Tiffany and Nancy. Arguably, Tiffany should have stood her ground earlier as he was seen being very suggestive to her during the first show, yet she laughed it off and took it almost as a compliment, continuing to fuel him. Here we see the issue with a lot of women today, it is not a compliment to be objectified and sexualised by a man even if it appears to be complimentary at first. If it's not welcomed or comfortable then it's not okay.

Yet the women of the group felt that despite Winston's constant inappropriate behaviour, including his predatory looks and actions towards Nancy in the bedroom whilst she was getting ready for bed, that a warning from big brother was not necessary because he "didn't grope anyone."

I find it hard to understand how this makes sense in people's minds. Just because you can't see some diseases doesn't mean they’re not there, so why is something only sexually inappropriate if it can be seen? Furthermore, how can something only be sexually inappropriate if it's "groping?" Surely every person who watched Winston undress Nancy with his eyes would agree that was in no way okay, especially when they have to live in such close proximity.

I think I was most offended by the girls almost acceptance of his behaviour and their shock at the idea of Nancy finding it uncomfortable. Could this be because they are in situations that could be deemed to be sexually inappropriate every time they're asked to do a photo shoot or an interview? For example, Megan and Stephanie's opening profile before they entered the house showed them in underwear luring at the camera, a concept which I found unnecessary and frankly uncomfortable as a viewer, as I felt this in no way defined who they were. I found it completely irrelevant and uncalled for.

This shows a clear contrast in people’s tolerance and views. We have to ask ourselves what we determine to be sexually inappropriate. And hopefully it's more than just groping or sexual skin to skin contact. It should be anything that makes us feel uncomfortable or anything that takes away our consent or control of the situation, not just a “grope.”

And just a side note Winston, just because you believe a woman to be “on the shop floor” it does not mean we are for sale.

Love Liv x