It started, and ended, with a swipe...

It all began with a swipe right on tinder, I know what you're thinking I'm disappointed in myself too, and before I knew it we were taking day trips to Bristol and eating Chinese in Camden Market as a couple...

Fast forward two months and he continued swiping not only on tinder but my debit and credit cards as well. Here I was, less than a month before my trip of a lifetime without a penny in my travel fund or my current account and with a credit card debt I had no idea about. Before I continue I would like to make it clear that this is in no way a revenge post or aimed to shame him for the part he played in this whole disaster, hence the happy photos of my loved ones. This is a post to express how blessed I am to be surrounded by such an amazing support network and to raise awareness of just how easily these things happen. Especially as I always thought of myself as being quite savvy when it came to my finances with my high interest savings account and ability to adapt my budget without a bother. Never did I think that this would happen to me, in fact it was me who would openly hear anecdotes of this happening to people and exclaim "well how didn't you notice until now?" But here I am asking myself the exact same question...

I became truly engrossed in him, yes me pro-feminist I don't need a man. I just kept wading further and further into the water, the water that he controlled. And before I knew it I was going days at a time without speaking to my Mom, I had stopped drinking pints because of his disapproval and my beloved Falmouth checked shirts were nowhere to be seen. On reflection, I'm not sure which I'm more upset about!

I think the thing that I find most harrowing about the situation that I'm finding myself in is just how quickly things spiralled out of control. It's as if my mind almost blanked out scenarios that I knew were wrong and times where my card had been gone without my knowledge, or I had seen things I didn't recall paying for on my statement and I would just fill the gaps in my memory and everything would be okay. I lost myself and all I stood for in the space of a few days and I just felt empty but in too deep to do anything about it. It wasn't until I was told about the credit card that the gaps slowly turned into canyons that I could not ignore. It was no longer a simple packet of cigarettes or a few pints in a pub, it was real debt, real money I could not pay back to my Mom, who had given me the card to use for my trip.

I have no negative feelings towards him now, I understand that he saw an opportunity that appealed to his personal issues and he simply took it. I send him love and light for his recovery whenever he crosses my mind, although I have to admit it's easier to do this some days than others! Instead, my Mom has helped me come to the hard realisation that in order for me to move forward I must take responsibility for the part I played in this nightmare and learn from it so I can grow and move forward to rebuild my confidence and trust which currently resides in shatters.

I felt it was finally time to write about my experience and if it even makes one person just be more aware or even change their mind set towards people that do have this awful thing happen to them then its worth admitting my mistakes, as embarrassed and angered by them as I am. I feel truly blessed to have had the support system I have had to get through this time, but I know many are not as lucky. It's time to call for a change with the way these situations are dealt with by people and when it comes to banks and police, as I have had an awful experience with both. In 2016 with contactless and apple pay, is it enough to claim it's not fraud because they did not incorrectly enter your pin? To me, this is reflective of nothing but a good memory of a four digit code when I have been using my card in front of him and the fact he was my boyfriend shouldn't change the fact that it's fraudulent behaviour, yet this was the response I received from every avenue I pursued with regards to my current and savings account. We need to change our attitude to fraud and see it as more than just card cloning or stolen identities.  It's everywhere from a massage at a spa break to a new pair of shoes you had no idea you had paid for, it wasn't until I checked my statement that I saw the true fraudulent impact of these "small" transactions.

I had to learn my lesson the hard way but I hope that my experience can prevent this happening to others in the future. I am just thankful for my family and the incredible women I am surrounded by. I don't think I could have navigated this mindfield without them. I am currently counting down the days to three weeks of spiritual awakening with my soul sister Charlie and wishing him nothing but light as he finds the right path to recovery.

Love Liv x

The Homeless Period...

"Periods are not a great time of the month for any woman, but lack of affordable sanitary items amongst homeless and disadvantaged women can make the burden of menstruation more like a nightmare"

"As a woman myself, it pained me to learn that this same vulnerable group sometimes have to find cloths or other absorbent items to use to protect themselves from bleeding, in most cases this is toilet roll sought from public restrooms"

The Homeless Period: Breaking the Silence for Women Without The Tools to Get Through Their Period.

The Homeless Period is an incredible non- profit organisation that currently operates in the West Midlands. However, I believe there are organisations all across the UK operating out of shelters and working with charities to deliver similar services.

Their main message is that homeless women have periods too and many of us don't understand or even think of the repercussions of this when faced with no money and no means of access to sanitary products or even clean underwear. People everywhere, no matter what gender, will understand the pain of a period and the inconvenience it can sometimes entail with regards to feeling clean and making sure that leaks and spills are contained. I can't even begin to imagine how it must feel to go through this every three weeks with no resources or comfort at all.

Therefore, it is down to us to help these women in any way we possibly can. For me, this meant helping by donating goods to the drop off points, (both of which can be seen listed in the pictures below). They accept sanitary items, wipes and clean underwear amongst other items that help form their 'care packages'. It's just like the shoebox appeal at Christmas but for periods! Currently, they are appealing for donations of underwear and wipes, and it just so happens Poundland have cute underwear in at the moment and a deal of 10 boxes of Huggies wipes for £5! This shows that even if you just spend a pound it makes such a huge difference to somebodies life so instead of buying that bottle of pop or a packet of crisps, invest in something much more important and long lasting.

           

I went out and spent £20 in Poundland and I couldn't believe what you can get for that money, as you can see from the picture at the top of this post! This was so bitter sweet for me as it evoked happiness that I could help even more than I had first anticipated but it also made me sad that even at this low cost the products still aren't fully accessible for some women. The worst part for me is that these women sometimes aren't even homeless, they are the working poverty who have been betrayed by the system so much so that working doesn't necessarily mean they are better off or even able to survive.

The costs of being a woman can no longer be ignored especially after the "tampon tax" became national news earlier this year, if Jaffa cakes aren't considered luxury items then why are tampons? They are a right and something every woman should have access to and together we can help make this a reality! Whether that be by buying an extra item when you purchase yours or donating to the cause via their Facebook page, every single penny and tampon counts! I will be organising collections when I make my monthly donations to the cause so please feel free to pass along your donations to me and  I will be more than happy to pass them along!


Thank you!
Love Liv x



Facebook page- The Homeless Period
Donation page- https://www.gofundme.com/hbkru59w

"Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with"

I try and live my life by this mantra every single day and I can honestly say I have never been happier...

Nothing proves this statement more to me than my friend Charlie. We lived together whilst I was studying in Falmouth and within a few days I was taping her nipples to her dress so she had a killer cleavage and lay in her bed comparing the length of our winter leg fuzz. I connected with her instantly as I did with all of the girls in my flat and for that reason they will always have a huge part of my heart and my soul. I often think of them and look at my Falmouth wall of photos fondly and smile.

Today I collected a parcel and recognised the writing on the envelope to be Charlie's, little did I know the contents of the package were going to make me sit in my car crying for the next ten minutes uncontrollably. Inside was a dress, a garment I had only heard about and seen in pictures but it had been promised to be so long ago I had forgotten. On this dress there were messages of equality, human rights, women's rights and basically everything that moulds me as a person. This dress is something that Charlie made before she met me yet it speaks directly to me and puts a fire in my belly like nothing else I have ever seen or been lucky enough to own.

It is for this reason that I truly believe it's Charlie and all of the powerful women in my life who are my soulmates and the true loves of my life. Nobody quite tells me to "fuck him off" or "rant away" when I'm angry about something, and then reply to my 35 message eruption, quite like Charlie. We have a friendship that is free of competition and free of jealousy. Every day I am motivated to be better and made sure I know how amazing and strong I am. It's completely free of motive and we do it purely out of our admiration for each other and I am inspired by her every single day.

My girlfriends will never judge me for wanting more than two sides with my nandos and then a cookie dough after or the fact that I haven't shaved my legs for weeks but insist on always wearing booty shorts to sleep in. They take me for champagne afternoon teas and tell me I am strong and sassy on a daily basis. What more could I possibly need?


Women need to stop searching for a "soulmate" in the form of a lover and start looking at those who love you unconditionally despite the fact you keep going back to those people time and time again. We need to stop searching for that missing piece and just rearrange the pieces we already have. I can guarantee if you look close enough at your lives you'll find your soul to already be so full and content that anything more is welcome but no where near as essential...

Love Liv x

No grope? You're all good then.

Apparently this is the only thing that constitutes something being considered sexually inappropriate behaviour. The worst part? This was a comment made by young women and not only women but women in the public eye.

That public eye being celebrity brother and the women in question being specifically Megan and Stephanie. Both of which are TV stars but often in the press sporting nothing more than a bikini or lingerie set. Is this merely a coincidence or could their opinions be fuelled by the idea that their careers are based on the sexualisation of their bodies and the acceptance of this behaviour on a daily basis because it's what their careers feed off? 

The issue in question was concerning Winston, a UKIP MP, who lasted only three days in the house. He was seen being very sexually charged during conversations with the women housemates and particularly Tiffany and Nancy. Arguably, Tiffany should have stood her ground earlier as he was seen being very suggestive to her during the first show, yet she laughed it off and took it almost as a compliment, continuing to fuel him. Here we see the issue with a lot of women today, it is not a compliment to be objectified and sexualised by a man even if it appears to be complimentary at first. If it's not welcomed or comfortable then it's not okay.

Yet the women of the group felt that despite Winston's constant inappropriate behaviour, including his predatory looks and actions towards Nancy in the bedroom whilst she was getting ready for bed, that a warning from big brother was not necessary because he "didn't grope anyone."

I find it hard to understand how this makes sense in people's minds. Just because you can't see some diseases doesn't mean they’re not there, so why is something only sexually inappropriate if it can be seen? Furthermore, how can something only be sexually inappropriate if it's "groping?" Surely every person who watched Winston undress Nancy with his eyes would agree that was in no way okay, especially when they have to live in such close proximity.

I think I was most offended by the girls almost acceptance of his behaviour and their shock at the idea of Nancy finding it uncomfortable. Could this be because they are in situations that could be deemed to be sexually inappropriate every time they're asked to do a photo shoot or an interview? For example, Megan and Stephanie's opening profile before they entered the house showed them in underwear luring at the camera, a concept which I found unnecessary and frankly uncomfortable as a viewer, as I felt this in no way defined who they were. I found it completely irrelevant and uncalled for.

This shows a clear contrast in people’s tolerance and views. We have to ask ourselves what we determine to be sexually inappropriate. And hopefully it's more than just groping or sexual skin to skin contact. It should be anything that makes us feel uncomfortable or anything that takes away our consent or control of the situation, not just a “grope.”

And just a side note Winston, just because you believe a woman to be “on the shop floor” it does not mean we are for sale.

Love Liv x

#emilymatters

 

 

 

I was first introduced to #emilymatters at a women in politics conference hosted by the Sikh network. During which I heard Kate Willoughby recite a speech from the play "To Freedom's cause" spoken by the character of Emily Davison and publicise #emilymatters. Both of with, I felt, had extra emphasis on the idea that the fight is far from over and this is my belief why...

As a political science and social policy student I spend everyday immersed in the history of politics and society and all of its influences and foundations but I am yet to hear the history of the Suffragette movement be mentioned. I hear the word feminist used on a daily basis but only to describe a perspective, not once have we investigated the origins of the word or the women who made people speak and understand it. I also never learnt about this at all whilst studying history at high school but at least I know all about the Romans and the impact of the coalition government. This is why #emilymatters ...

#emilymatters because when I tell people I'm studying political science they look me up and down and say "what's the point in that?" Or my personal favourite "where's that going to get you?" As if just because I'm a woman from a working class family I have no use or purpose in the political world when in reality politics is involved in everything, right down to their reasoning for limiting me based on my background. #emilymatters because after seeing Teresa May present an incredible argument in Parliament I could not wait to see the positive press she would receive the next day, only to see articles about the inappropriate colour of her suit with not a single mention of her strength and power the day before.

#emilymatters because when I was a child I was continuously called "bossy" because I always had my own opinion and I knew how to voice it. I was called "bossy" or "loud" because I loved to be the director of the shows we could put on and refused to be told what to do. If I didn't want to do something I couldn't be forced into it. In everybody's eyes, except my Momma's, this was a negative thing. Thankfully my Mom instilled it in me that it's something to be proud of, a confidence boost that stayed with me and that has quite genuinely motivated me for the whole of my life. It's so important that this education begins in the home, I was just so lucky to have never been without it. I recently witnessed a young boy at my place of work saying that "all girls are bossy, they should just do whatever boys tell them to." The fact that this isn't a rare occurrence for me to come across at work clearly displays the need for education that this is never okay to think and the empowerment of young girls to be noticed by both boys and girls as "leaders" and "confident" people is a prime example of why #emilymatters.

#emilymatters because people ask me whether I have a boyfriend before they ask me what my aspirations are. Yet my brother is always asked "how's college?" Or "any idea what you want to do at uni yet?" But if we ignore our genders we are both very academic students with a thirst for change and the desire to be part of that change in anyway possible. So why should the difference in the way I'm approached and spoke to be based on the fact that I have a pair of breasts and a menstrual cycle?

#emilymatters because people assume that I'm from a working class family so I must be a mad labour supporter and hate Thatcher. When actually the second assumption could not be further from the truth. Neither could people's belief that everything she ever did wrong in their eyes was because "she's a bird." Similarly, #emilymatters because I shouldn't have to tolerate being called "somebody's bird" or anybody's "other half" ever again in my living life. Ever.

#emilymatters because I see a future when children ask "who are the suffragette's?" And "what did they even do?" But they will know the entire family history of the Kardashians and why they're famous.

And most importantly of all I could not escape mentions of steak and blowjob day earlier this year, despite numerous attempts, yet I have seen nothing about the fact that today is Emily Davison's birthday. Moreover, when people see the name Emily Davidson people google her as they have no idea who she is. Education is key and we are responsible for making sure their sacrifices and their lost lives were not for nothing. We have to show that together we are not prepared to let these revolutionary people be nothing more than a page in a history book. The fight isn't over, it's far from over and if I didn't quite convince you that the women's movement needs to keep moving then please watch this trailer for the new film Suffragette and tell me that we can justify stepping back to stop the fight...

This amongst so many other reasons is why #emilymatters now and always...

Love Liv x

Sea (if it can even be called that) world...

 

Why is there such a vast difference between the image we are given by SeaWorld and that which we are told in Blackfish?

 

 

 

 

 

 

I watched Blackfish with completely no idea of the cruelty that happened as I was actually, shamefully, a SeaWorld fan and my family enjoyed their visit there so much back in Christmas 2007 that we visited twice just to see the Shamu show! We are the perfect example of the people who they talk about in the documentary who fall victim to all of the crap that they tell you to make you believe that "they actually love performing" and "Orca's live longer here because they're taken care of and fed so frequently, this is something they don't even get in the wild." But the fact of the matter is that no Orca in SeaWorld captivity has ever died of old age.

 

The documentary shows various deaths and accidents involving the Orcas. This being through their own accident, or the whale on whale aggression that is seen daily in the tanks. Whilst people argue this is due to the Orca's natural aggressive disposition, wouldn't you want to rip someone's head off if you'd spent your entire life in a concrete tank constantly swimming in circles? There have been horrible cases of the other whales doing something to the whales that do not behave. Most commonly, this is where they drag their teeth along their skin, leaving scratches and sometimes cuts that can lead to the animals bleeding out right there in the tank or even worse mid performance as can be seen in the image above.

 

 

 

But there was no way I could have ever prepared myself to watch the segment where they speak about how they captured the whales. The images of baby whales crying for their family as they refuse to swim away to safety is truly heart wrenching, so emotionally affecting that I could not even cry. You can see the mothers crying to their babies as they're being lifted away in nets and one of the captors speaks about how he had to discard the dead. They were told that all of the babies who didn't survive were to be cut open, filled with rocks and simply dropped back into the ocean to sink. It's inhumane what they did and have continued to do to these whales but what makes it so much worse is that it's been allowed to happen before our very eyes.

 

 

 

SeaWorld have told us blatant lies to encourage our custom. For example they tell people that a bent dorsal fin is very common in Orca's but in reality only 1% of the population have this defect, and it's usually due to accident or injury. Yet all of the Orca's at SeaWorld have this feature. They also enforce that they do not separate mothers and their babies. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yet Blackfish tell the true story of a

separation that quite literally broke my heart. They tricked the mother and baby into different tanks after a show and simply took the baby away, leaving the mother in the module tank and the baby shipped off within the day. The Mother than continued to float in the corner of the tank for hours alone making these noises. The trainers became worried as they had never heard these kind of noises being made before and after analysis they discovered they were long range calls. She was calling for her baby and continued to do so for the rest of her life. The calls were continuous all night as she called for her lost baby and the other mothers would simply come and swim by and check on her every so often and let her search and grieve for her child who was taken so horribly from her. It was at this point of watching the documentary that I actually registered how like humans these intelligent animals are and it enforced even more to me the reasons that they cannot be caged or contained.

 

Also Blackfish explores the way in which it's not simply a case of SeaWorld's environment being negative for the Orca's but it's the long term damaging effects of them being forced to train and perform that does the most harm. For example one of their Orca's was transferred to Loro Parque in the canary islands and whilst this park had no experience of Orca's before the trainers were aware of basic skills and how to handle the whales. Pictured to the right you can see Alexis Martinez and Keto, the SeaWorld whale that would eventually kill him. The park was notoriously known for being awful when it came to animals and Alex was believed to be the best trainer they had, yet this still could not control Keto from what he had to do. Alex's fiancée speaks of how she received the news and the way in which they would not let her see him even though she had been informed on the phone that he was fine. When she arrived she was greeted by lawyers and businessmen all telling her that it was Alex's fault and nothing to do with the animal in question and of course when SeaWorld were questioned in court about their association with Loro Parque they denied all known links.

 

 

 

There is a clear trend in the cause of accidents and deaths at SeaWorld; they are always trainer error. So much so that the director of SeaWorld even went as far to declare that Dawn

Brancheau "would have said herself that it was her own fault." Even going as far as to blame the woman who had given her whole life to controlling and understanding the Orca's that their corporation had so cruelly damaged. They also first released a statement declaring that it was her ponytail that caused the accident and that Tilikum had mistaken it for food. This in itself I found to be quite harrowing that them declaring the whales to be so hungry they would jump at the site of anything that resembled food, but yet this is still a better reason than the truth of what happened? In the documentary they analyse the footage brilliantly and really pay tribute to the excellence that was Dawn and all she offered to SeaWorld. It was clear to me that this tragedy was due to frustration and communication which Tilikum could not understand and nothing more. Tillikum is now seen to be a 'danger' to the other whales at SeaWorld and as a result is kept alone for most of the time except for performances and he can be seen floating for hours on end, not even swimming, just floating. How can this be right?

 

 

"There is no record to this day of an Orca ever killing anybody in the wild..."

 

 

 

See this link for more information...

 

The Pill Problem...

Why is taking the contraceptive pill perceived to be any different than taking tablets for a migraine or for period pain or using a cream for acne? It's not any different at all and in fact all of those symptoms stated above qualify the pill to be prescribed as a suitable medication to solve those problems.  The pill is used for so much more now than to just prevent pregnancy. I cannot help but question the logic and reasoning behind widening the uses of the pill to treat women but not addressing the apparent lack of information and awareness they receive when its prescribed. 

 

I found myself very blessed with an excellent female GP when I was first prescribed the pill. She told me everything I could possibly need to know right down to what kind of feeling I would get in my legs if I developed a blood clot or was experiencing the early signs of deep vein thrombosis, which she explained was one of the side effects of this medication, and I felt beyond prepared as she guided me through the information leaflet. This leaflet told me everything from what percentage of hormones were in the type of pill I was taking to what to do if I missed a pill or lost a box. I really felt like I had all bases covered and I just assumed everybody else had the same knowledge upon being prescribed the medicine, but today I learnt that this is not the case at all.

 

 

Part of me feels I was so thorough in wanting to understand what I was taking because I was using the medication for reasons other than contraception and therefore treated it as if it was any other kind of medication that had side effects I needed to be fully aware of. I can completely understand why women who use the pill for purely contraceptive reasons would not particularly learn the extensive impact of the medication, just as you wouldn't learn the percentage of different chemicals and ingredients that are used to produce condoms for example. It serves a purpose and almost fully protects from pregnancy and that's all you really need to know. It's always amazed me that people know that the pill will make you gain weight but not that it can lead to hormonal function being impaired and affecting fertility after prolonged use or that it increases the likelihood of breast cancer and ovarian cysts. Where did the rest of the awareness and information get lost?

The pill has to be treated differently to any other form of contraception as it's something we choose to put into our body and cannot be immediately removed as it excretes hormones that will travel around our entire system affecting and neutralising the necessary parts. It's not a temporary contraceptive precaution, it's something that completely changes your bodily function. It does so much more than just stop you from conceiving and regulating periods and this needs to be made so clear to every woman that is prescribed this medication. 

 

Sadly I read a story today about a 21 year old girl called Fallan who died from a blood clot on her lungs which is believed to be down to her, very quick, use of the pill. But when you read into the story it's a clear lack of awareness from her medical practitioner about what she was actually prescribing her patient. Before I was even prescribed my pill I was made aware of the different types and which ones she believed would be best suited for me. We then looked at their side effects and decide on the most suitable medication for me and I have changed the pill I use three times since my first prescription as my bodies needs and requirements have altered. This girl experienced side effects almost straight away, feeling breathlessness and pains in her legs. This is the point of which she should have returned to her GP straight away and told them about the side effects she was experiencing, but sadly she was not aware that this could be a side effect or that this was even possibly linked to her new prescription. So she was sent home with what they thought was a "bruised sternum" after receiving an X-ray for her episode of breathlessness. These side effects are in most information about the contraceptive pill (see the links attached at the bottom) and although the odds of it being a side effect are slim, it's still possible and should be stressed to any patient.

 

Another thing which I noticed upon reading their tragic story is that nobody questioned whether she used the pill until she was in an intensive care unit and they were searching for an explanation for what could be wrong. I always make it clear, no matter how stupid I think I sound, that I am using the pill when asked about any medication I am taking. My reasoning behind this is that you just never know, it could be linked to why I'm feeling the way I am or even offer a reason to explain why symptoms have got worse or problems have arose. You might feel like an idiot the first few times when you're being examined for an achy back and telling them about your family planning choices but it's better to be safe than be faced with a story as tragic as that of Fallan's who was only using the pill for 25 days before she sadly passed away. 

 

 

 

We would never allow somebody to inject chemicals into our body without knowing what could happen or what it was for so why are women being allowed to personally swallow chemicals that they have not been fully informed about?

 

 

Further information...

 

What is the pill? Who takes it? Is it safe?

Combined Pill - Side Effects and Information

The progestogen-only pill