It all began with a swipe right on tinder, I know what you're thinking I'm disappointed in myself too, and before I knew it we were taking day trips to Bristol and eating Chinese in Camden Market as a couple...
Fast forward two months and he continued swiping not only on tinder but my debit and credit cards as well. Here I was, less than a month before my trip of a lifetime without a penny in my travel fund or my current account and with a credit card debt I had no idea about. Before I continue I would like to make it clear that this is in no way a revenge post or aimed to shame him for the part he played in this whole disaster, hence the happy photos of my loved ones. This is a post to express how blessed I am to be surrounded by such an amazing support network and to raise awareness of just how easily these things happen. Especially as I always thought of myself as being quite savvy when it came to my finances with my high interest savings account and ability to adapt my budget without a bother. Never did I think that this would happen to me, in fact it was me who would openly hear anecdotes of this happening to people and exclaim "well how didn't you notice until now?" But here I am asking myself the exact same question...
I became truly engrossed in him, yes me pro-feminist I don't need a man. I just kept wading further and further into the water, the water that he controlled. And before I knew it I was going days at a time without speaking to my Mom, I had stopped drinking pints because of his disapproval and my beloved Falmouth checked shirts were nowhere to be seen. On reflection, I'm not sure which I'm more upset about!
I think the thing that I find most harrowing about the situation that I'm finding myself in is just how quickly things spiralled out of control. It's as if my mind almost blanked out scenarios that I knew were wrong and times where my card had been gone without my knowledge, or I had seen things I didn't recall paying for on my statement and I would just fill the gaps in my memory and everything would be okay. I lost myself and all I stood for in the space of a few days and I just felt empty but in too deep to do anything about it. It wasn't until I was told about the credit card that the gaps slowly turned into canyons that I could not ignore. It was no longer a simple packet of cigarettes or a few pints in a pub, it was real debt, real money I could not pay back to my Mom, who had given me the card to use for my trip.
I have no negative feelings towards him now, I understand that he saw an opportunity that appealed to his personal issues and he simply took it. I send him love and light for his recovery whenever he crosses my mind, although I have to admit it's easier to do this some days than others! Instead, my Mom has helped me come to the hard realisation that in order for me to move forward I must take responsibility for the part I played in this nightmare and learn from it so I can grow and move forward to rebuild my confidence and trust which currently resides in shatters.
I felt it was finally time to write about my experience and if it even makes one person just be more aware or even change their mind set towards people that do have this awful thing happen to them then its worth admitting my mistakes, as embarrassed and angered by them as I am. I feel truly blessed to have had the support system I have had to get through this time, but I know many are not as lucky. It's time to call for a change with the way these situations are dealt with by people and when it comes to banks and police, as I have had an awful experience with both. In 2016 with contactless and apple pay, is it enough to claim it's not fraud because they did not incorrectly enter your pin? To me, this is reflective of nothing but a good memory of a four digit code when I have been using my card in front of him and the fact he was my boyfriend shouldn't change the fact that it's fraudulent behaviour, yet this was the response I received from every avenue I pursued with regards to my current and savings account. We need to change our attitude to fraud and see it as more than just card cloning or stolen identities. It's everywhere from a massage at a spa break to a new pair of shoes you had no idea you had paid for, it wasn't until I checked my statement that I saw the true fraudulent impact of these "small" transactions.
I had to learn my lesson the hard way but I hope that my experience can prevent this happening to others in the future. I am just thankful for my family and the incredible women I am surrounded by. I don't think I could have navigated this mindfield without them. I am currently counting down the days to three weeks of spiritual awakening with my soul sister Charlie and wishing him nothing but light as he finds the right path to recovery.
Love Liv x
